Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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