If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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