i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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