That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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