dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
