The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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