I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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