id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
