if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
