the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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