Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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