i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
