I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
