you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
