ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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