ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
