I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
