With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
