and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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