She said her name was "party"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
