i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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