I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
