i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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