the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
