He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
