i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
no you cant smoke seaweed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
