girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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