You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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