fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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