i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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