Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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