There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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