Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
