I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
