I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
