On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
