come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
