operation harelip BJ is a go
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
