Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
