Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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