kristin has been a bad kristin
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
