there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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