So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
