I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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