when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
