"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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