you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
