are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
