i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
