there's paper in my vomit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
