I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
